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Marie in Hong Kong

Marie in Hong Kong

Discovery of Hong Kong


Jetlag tips

Publié par Marie sur 11 Mars 2013, 16:36pm

Catégories : #My life in HK

In the HK magazine this week, I found this funny column about jetlag written by "The Straight Man" (i.e. Y. Tu). As Xav was coming back from France for the 4th time in less than 8 months, I decided that it was totally appropriated to share it with you.

 

 

"I travel a lot. Unfortunately, this means I’m also jet-lagged a lot. You are too. So this week’s column is how to adjust yourself in the days after you touch down. Here we go:

 

• If you’re landing early, don’t eat the in-flight meal. You’ll feel bloated and tired when you land. Also, it’s gross.

 

• When landing, set your watch to the correct time and your spouses’ watch an hour too early. When they get up the next morning, lay there in bed, smile, and whisper “sucker” quietly.

 

• Instead of asking your helper to unpack your bags when you get back, have her hit you in the head with a hammer. You’ll be asleep instantly.

 

• No matter what, do not take a nap. Do not take a f**ing nap. Don’t you f**ing take a motherf**ing nap. Whoa, sorry. I just woke up from a nap.

 

• If you take a nap and wake up at 1am your only options are sleeping pills or vigorous physical exercise. Try both. What’s the worst that could happen?

 

• Office workers: nothing says "I’m awake" to your boss like six cups of coffee and an 8-ball hidden in your drawer.

 

• Home workers: nothing says "I’m awake" to your boss like six cups of coffee and an 8-ball hidden in your drawers (underwear).

 

• You may have some crazy jet-lagged ideas like, “I need to upload a Harlem Shake YouTube video.” You don’t.

 

• Take long walks around your building to stay perky. Wear a number on your chest so if you walk around enough you’ll qualify for a marathon.

 

• Take one sleeping pill at 10pm to sleep through the night. Take another one in the morning because you’re so hardcore.

 

• NO NAPS.

 

• Drink a lot of water on the plane. Drink a lot of water after you get off the plane. Drink a lot of water in general. This column is open for sponsorships from Bonaqua or Watson’s Water. Text me yo.

 

• If you feel like complaining about jet lag, remember that most of the world is too poor to fly. Also – NO NAPS.

 

• Get your body ready by doing yoga in the aisles of the plane. Everybody likes watching some weirdo do downward facing dog and child’s pose on the floor.

 

• Few people know that diet is the most important thing for getting over jet lag. I am one of them so I have no advice.

 

• Make plans the day you land so you have something to do other than nap. Try running a marathon or operating complicated machinery.

 

• Use the buddy system to prevent you from falling asleep early. It is important that you choose a buddy you’re not having sex with. Otherwise, sex will happen, the man will fall asleep, and the woman will lie there eyes open, unsatisfied.

 

• Get really good at sex so the preceding bullet won’t happen. This doesn’t really have to do with planes anymore, it’s just some advice.

 

• You’re totally allowed to sleep while you’re still in transit so get picked up by a mattress delivery truck and pay the driver extra to drive you around for 8-10 hours.

 

• When you feel yourself fading, pour a glass of cold water. Pour it over your face and body. Recreate that scene from Flashdance. Hello, this is Yalun Tu. I’d like to speak to the marketing manager at Bonaqua. Hello? I think we got disconnect –

 

• You need to adjust to your normal routine as quickly as possible. The safest way to do this is not to fly at all."

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